Ok, so an explanation (and a blog entry!) is long overdue! So let’s get right to it: I am moving to Texas next week! Contrary to what I may have led some people to believe with my abrupt Facebook post, this was not at all a rushed decision. Towards the beginning of this year, my boyfriend and I realized we share a common issue: here we are, young adults with degrees, who have been unable to find jobs that make us feel like our expenses in higher education were worth it. So we began to look for a place that had 1) a lower unemployment rate (because the ones in New York and New Jersey are disheartening) 2) a place that had a lower cost of living and 3) a place that had a creative atmosphere. Texas came up as being a place that offered all those things. So we began to apply for jobs just to test the odds. Within a month and a half, we began to hear back from jobs. So the prospects already seem a bit more promising. Enough for both of us to want to see where it leads. And that’s basically it.
It seems so strange that the explanation is so simple yet I have taken so long to write this entry. To be honest, I had a few different drafts of what it would sound like. It wasn’t until one of my drafts hit the three-page mark that I realized I was no longer just telling my story, I was trying to get the people that may think I am insane to understand me; to somehow tell me what I was doing was right. I was trying to plead with those who think I am “living in sin” for living with my boyfriend outside of marriage; I was trying to get people who know nothing about me aside from my relatives to not think I was setting myself up for failure; I was writing as if I was on trial. My writing was less of an oration and more of a plea for approval. A lot of things are not set in stone but I can’t shake this feeling that though that may be the case, I NEED to do this.
For too long I have sat back and tried to plan every detail of things and never have any of those plans held up with the test of time. So I am just doing it. I said goodbye to fear a while ago and I will continue to do whatever it is in my power to make sure it stays buried. For the first time in my life, I am embracing not knowing. I am letting go of trying to get people to understand me and putting into practice the faith I was taught to have for all these years.
So my final words are this: I am walking by faith and not by sight. I do not have to see my home yet to know that I will have one. I do not need to see my great paying job to know I will have one because the Lord promised me that if I delight myself in him, he will give me the desires of my heart and this move is my proof of my love and trust in him. And even if I have to struggle for a bit then I fully embrace it because it is a part of my journey and my growth. If you want something, you have to be willing to go out and seek it even if the end is not in sight. So stay tuned!